Stop, Breathe and be Thankful.....

Sadly I wrote this post over Thanksgiving and never published it - no idea why - but here it is a month later........

November 25, 2012

I have so much to be thankful for! This is the time of the year where we take a moment to think about our last year and give thanks.  Of course I am thankful for all of the material things that I have, my husband and my children, a great neighborhood, wonderful home, a business that I really love.....but as I look back on my family's year, I am reminded of all of the "little" things in our life that I am greatly thankful for..... my little things have no order, just as I am thinking and typing:)

I am thankful that Ivan and Toliy stood up in a courtroom and said "YES" to us adopting them. It was and still is one of the most courageous things that I have seen. You would be shocked at how many children say "No" to a family that they have met and spent time with, and in the end it is just too scary for them to commit to a new family. Our boys took a chance on us and I really do try each day to remember how scary that choice was for them.

I am thankful that Ryan and I were able to spend time in Ukraine together. He surpassed all expectations that I had of him. I realized then that our oldest bio son has grown and matured so much in his 11 years.  I am thankful that he still asks one of us to snuggle every night with him.  He may be totally absent minded and talk endlessly about some video game that he is playing, but he has the biggest heart and I can't wait to see what he does with his life!

I am thankful for the friends in our life. The friends that stop by and say, "grab your coat, let's go, you need a break." These are the little things that you take for granted. People that just know you so well, that you don't have to put up a facade and say, "Everything is going great." Because honestly, let me say, things are going well...but we are still a family with 5 boys, 2 of which we adopted 5 months ago!!

I am thankful for being given the opportunity to love and be a mother to Ivan and Toliy. To help them mature into wonderful, caring and giving young men. They are broken children in their own ways. They struggle with school, making friends, learning the language, saying I love you, etc. But these two boys wake up everyday ready to tackle school and ready to learn something new. That takes courage! And the day that they say "I love you" back to me...I will be sure and let you know. I say, "I love you" a few different times a day and I always get the "You too" as a response.  I anxiously await to hear it, but at least at this point I know when I hear it, it will be the real thing. And for that I will be thankful!

I am so thankful that we have 5 boys that all accept each other! It really is one of the things that I thank God for everyday! All 5 of our children, are learning about each other, enjoying each other, aggravating each other. I love it! Each of them has a certain love and respect for each other as brothers. Over the upcoming years, I can't wait to see these relationships develop even further.

I am thankful for Matt! There is not one aspect of this year that has happened with out him. He is always my rock and always there for our family - no questions asked! He knows when to pry and knows when to walk away. He has shown more love and compassion to our two new sons, than I feel that I have some days to give. He still makes time for basketball  in the driveway, football in the backyard, math homework help, laundry and dishes.

Very thankful for our extended family....we still receive phone calls, texts, emails on a weekly basis from family to check in on us. Make sure we are all sane, updates on any new "problems" that have risen up, etc. It is so comforting to know that our family is on the hearts and minds of other people.

 

Are they all yours?

I can not tell you how many times I get asked that question during any given week......."Yep, they sure are." is always my response. Most people leave it at that, but many don't. I decided after week 1, that I was not going to keep saying to total strangers that these two boys were adopted from Ukraine. I don't want Ivan and Anatoliy to keep feeling like they are 2 and we are the 5 - we are a family of 7, plain and simple - no division, just 7 family members!

I can't believe that I am writing that they have been home for almost 4 months. Time flies by so fast.... Although there are some days that I truly want to pull my hair out and get in my car and keep driving to some unknown destination, I have to say that for the most part, everyone is falling into a routine and figuring out their new places in the family.

Ivan started Hough High in the 9th grade and he is truly struggling! We aren't surprised by this but it is still hard to see him having so many problems. When he came here this summer, he didn't even know his multiplication tables, much less fractions and decimals, so throwing him into an Algebra class has been interesting to say the least. Anyone who knows me, knows that Math and I are not friends, so we both learn each lesson over while doing homework. Ivan can get so frustrated and throw his pencil and tell me how much he hates Math, but what amazes me each day is that he happily gets up for school again the next morning each and everyday. Ivan has made such strides with our family in the last three months. He is slowly getting over some food issues that we were dealing with. I can't say that I have found food in his room in a couple of weeks now!! He is trying to learn English, although not as quickly as Anatoliy has gotten it. He is trying to be able to tell the truth about different things.....last week we had caught him lying about something really not too important, but for a day he held to the fact that he had not done it...we knew he had and the next day we asked again if he wanted to come clean and tell the truth and not only did he own up to his mistake, but he came into the house on his own and said "Mom, i am sorry for lying about blah, blah, blah." This was huge for him and I was so proud of him. It is these little steps that he takes everyday with our family that shows us he wants to be here and wants to be a part of the family. My only hope is that he continue to build a trust in Matt and I. That we will always be there for him, always feed him, make sure he gets to school, make sure he can play soccer, etc. Whether a good day or a bad day, at the end of the day we are all still a family that loves each other!

Anatoliy started Bailey Middle in the 7th grade and is honestly doing ok. He has mostly C's, which is great for not knowing the language. His teachers seem to love him and he is making some friends along the way. He tends to act pretty immature for his age, but again this was to be expected. It can definitely get frustrating hearing a 14 year old talk in a little kid voice!! But I am now really trying to correct the behavior when i see it and try to point it out, b/c I am not so sure he even realizes it.

The boys have definitely had their fair share of doctor appts. They have each visited the ER and had stitches. Toliy in his leg and Ivan in his finger! Back and forth to the pediatrician for vaccines. Matt's cousin's husband is a dentist in Roanoke and he graciously offered his time to fix some of the boys dental problems. Ivan had 5 cavities that needed to be fixed and Toliy had an abscessed tooth that still needs a root canal! We were so thankful for Griffin's generosity, b/c we just can not seem to catch a break on medical bills lately!! Between ER visits, orthodontist visits, orthopedic surgeon for Ivan's finger, our youngest William getting metal in his eye and having to see an optometrist three days in a row, and dental visits....we have not been able to pay off this adoption debt as quickly as we would have liked! And let's be honest, feeding 5 boys is NOT cheap:) Plus I am learning all about teenager style and what is in and what is not....let's just say that if it in "in" it is not cheap!

Matt made a stop in Blacksburg with the boys to show them Virginia Tech.

I do have to say that I have become quite the little cook for our family! Eating out just isn't an option at this point, so I have been trying lots of new recipes and the crock pot is my new best friend. I can't even tell you how much food we go through in this house in one week! It is truly incredible. Alex and William aren't even really big eaters yet, so it will only get worse. UGH!

We took the boys apple picking up in the mountains and that was lots of fun. There are very few weekends where we can just take off on a Sunday and go to the mountains, so it was very nice to get away and enjoy each other. Ivan and Toliy were truly monkeys when climbing to get the apples. They would go all the way to the top of the tree just to get one special apple that they saw!

Ivan's mood can change in an instant, but when he is happy and carefree, it melts my heart!

Many of you have asked, how Matt and I are doing. First of all, thank you for asking and second we are doing OK. We both are a little mentally wiped out at this point, but I am hoping that as the year progresses, things will lighten up and we will catch a little break. Having a sitter right now isn't an option, so that has been the biggest change for us, never having a break from the kids. Actually, we did have one night back in August where a friend of ours took the boys to the pool for a few hours and we went out to eat sushi, just the two of us! It was really very nice. Those types of nights are just much more limited for us right now. Matt goes out with his friends when he can and I see mine when I can - it all seems to work out.

Each day I watch these boys grow. I see their potential and desire to learn. Not only learn academics, but also learn how to live in a family. How to respect boundaries, how to share, how to take care of yourself on a daily level. I can not tell you how many things Matt and I have been surprised that these boys have no idea about. Manners has been a big learning process for them, cutting food, not slurping food, not shoveling food in your mouth, saying please and thank you (actually they get the thank you very well, but please could use some help:)

I will say that his has been the most challenging "job" that I have ever had! I know that I am "working" for a good cause......This experience has made me a better mother to all of our boys. I am learning much more patience than I ever knew I had....this is where you would hear Matt chuckle in the background...b/c although I may have patience with the boys, I definitely vent to Matt each night about something! I guess it is all about perspective - right? Matt and I are really looking forward to sharing the holidays with Ivan and Toliy. I can't wait for them to experience Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas time!


Everbody wet after running from Ivan's soccer game in the rain!

All of us monkeys in a tree:)

 

7 weeks

How are we doing? That seems to be the typical question for everyone! And it is a very normal question. But when we get asked that question I wonder do people really want to hear the true answer? Do you want to hear that we have three to four appointments a week for doctors or dentists or schools? Do you want to hear that I have to watch everything that my sons do on the computer? Or the fact that I have to keep telling them that they have to learn English and try to integrate into American society? NO, you don't - and that's OK! Because half of the time I tire of reading my calendar that is stock full of appointments!!

In my next breath I will tell you that I have two amazing new sons that have adjusted far better than I have ever expected. I will tell you that every day I am amazed at their spirit and readiness to learn something new. I love both of these boys as if they are "mine." I love the fact that my two sons are "ready" to tackle American schools. Ready to walk into a school with 2,000 children and be OK. I know they are nervous and I know that they are scared and if I could sit in that first class for them I would. I worry for them each day, as if I would for any of my children.

We all enjoyed a wonderful vacation to Ocean Isle with Matt's family the last week in July. The boys loved seeing the ocean for the first time. They were obsessed with fishing, and actually caught some great fish. I was very reluctant to try what they caught, but what mother can say no to that? Honestly it was a very good fish - red drum. It was great to get away and the boys enjoyed being in a house full of 15 people!

Ivan tried out for the high school soccer team and sadly did not make the team. I was just as devastated as he was. It was a huge let down for him, but it was a great opportunity for me to be able to give him a big hug and let him know that it was OK! It is just life and we move on and find another team. Matt and I were so proud of him for even going out there and trying out with about 70 kids and not knowing the language! So we found another local team in our area and he tried out for their competitive team and made it! This was a great boost for Ivan's confidence level. And I just love seeing his smile when he knows he has accomplished something.

Moving forward into the Fall sports season we will have football, soccer and basketball to fit in every weekend - just reading it makes me tired! Then Anatoliy would like to keep playing a musical instrument, so we will be adding those lessons into the schedule too:)

We have really been working on Math with the boys before school. They are pretty far behind for their grade level, so we are trying to get them caught up as much as possible. We have a wonderful neighbor who is teaching them English twice a week, such a blessing since the private tutor that we had hired had a change in plans and couldn't work with the boys. Every little thing helps.

Ryan, Alex and William all start school on the 20th and then Ivan and Anatoliy start on the 27th. I am actually looking very forward to the start of school for everyone!!

A little bit of humor in our lives - picture me and all 5 boys in Wal-Mart school supply shopping on NC tax free weekend....5 school lists for 5 children and a woman wants to keep talking to me about how I look too young to have all 5 of these boys!! She really would not let the subject drop! Yet William was pushing the cart into people b/c he couldn't see over the top of the cart. Ryan was chasing Alex with a girl binder that he thought he should have (purposely picking on him), Anatoliy is trying to sound out the items on his list and pointing to everything to see if it is what he needs and Ivan is off on another aisle no where to be found.........I literally stopped, looked at the woman and said, "thank god I am young b/c as you can see I have a lot to keep up with!"

Home

After 19 hours of flying and jetlag, we arrived on June 29th to our home in Northstone to a yard full of neighbors and friends welcoming home the boys. It was so much fun to see everyone and have to boys see their new "family." We all came inside for champagne toasts and Matt gave a wonderful toast to me and our boys! First stop that night was for Mexican food! The boys and I have settled in and gotten over the jet lag. We have been home almost 2 weeks, yet we are still trying to find the new normal in our family. 

Ivan and Anatoliy have been adjusting great and we are so proud of them. They started ESL summer school through our school system and they both seem to like it pretty well. Honestly I think they enjoy the structure of it more than the actual school:) We went ahead and had them tested as well for grade level too. Ivan is going to start in 9th grade. Anatoliy is going to hopefully start in 7th grade, but the school system is pushing for 8th because of his age. So this will involve some more meetings with the principal of his middle school to "force" our views of putting him in 7th.

We celebrated July 4th with the boys and it was fun to sit there and watch the fireworks knowing that exactly a year ago was the first time that these two boys came into our lives. Little did we know then what a new year would hold for our family. Last year they both sat on the ground very still and just watched everything. This year, Ivan was up playing with his soccer ball, getting other kids involved to kick with. Anatoliy was running around and sliding into the sand traps on the golf course with his brothers. I love that they are finally feeling as if they are a full part of the family:)

We were able to have a friend of ours come over and do some translating for us. Really just basic stuff, family rules, about ESL school, doctors and dentist appointments that are coming up, etc. We were able to explain to them that we know they have the hardest job in our family: they have to learn a new language, make new friends, adjust to new siblings and new parents. But no matter what, we are there for them and whether things are going great or things get tough, at the end of the day we are still all family! Let me also say that Ryan, Alex and William are "in love" with their new brothers. The new novelty has not worn off yet. Ivan and Anatoliy spoil William and Alex like crazy, if either one of these kids need anything, Ivan and Anatoliy do it for them. Sadly it is making William even more spoiled rotten that he was before. Ryan and Anatoliy get along well, they both love to be inside and play some type of electronic device. I have to say to both of them, go outside and play!

The boys had their first doctor's appointment and there was nothing shocking to us or them. They are very underweight and shorter for their age, but we knew this. Hopefully with some good nutrition they will start to add some weight and height, but sadly the doctor said that the effects of malnutrition and environment may just mean that they will always be shorter and skinnier than most people their age. Not a bad thing, just something to keep in mind. The doctor did alot of blood work, so that will tell us a lot more about them too in the next few days. Their dentist appointment is on the horizon and neither one of them is looking forward to that:) Nor is our wallet looking forward to the bills:)

In the midst of all of the above, our upstairs air conditioning has been broken since the day we landed. Anatoliy had to get stitches in his leg for a cutting it on the bike chain of his bike. He insisted that he did not a doctor. He said in Ukraine, "me not need a doctor for this." We explained that in America, you need a doctor when you can see the fatty tissue inside of your leg!! He was a trooper through the whole process! And we continue to have mounds of paperwork to fill out and places to visit to get the boys registered with this place and that! So if you do not hear from Matt and I right when you email or call, please know that we love getting all of the emails and phone calls from everyone wondering about our new life. Ivan and Anatoliy have loved getting cards in the mail from family and friends welcoming them to America. They keep every card and envelope, they throw nothing away!

Only a couple of pictures this post. Homecoming, Ivan making pulled pork for dinner on the 4th and of course Anatoliy getting his stitches.

After a long 19 hours of flying and layovers, we made it!

So brave!

This boy loves to cook and eat!

Slight delay

It always amazes me how quickly a plan can change. The last couple of days have been filled with medical appointments for the boys and Embassy appointments to secure their Visas for travel. All of those appointments went fine and there were no surprises. The boys were very excited to see their Visas. It made it official in their minds that they are actually going to America! it was emotional for me as the officer had me swearing my oath of truth and responsibilities as a US citizen. For me it was an end to a very long and rocky year of paperwork and raising money to bring our boys home.
Well this morning we were picked up at 3am to make our 5:30 flight. Only to arrive and find out that out flight was canceled and there are no open sears on any flights out for today! So after waiting in line for 2 hours with the rest of the passengers from the same plane, we are booked on a flight for tomorrow at 6:40. I was very frustrated. The boys were very frustrated too, and at this point very tired! The airline booked us in a hotel for the night and covered all three meals for the day. The hotel is a above our expectations and I am looking forward to sleeping in this bed! The boys are exhausted from the day and have been overtired and silly all day. The best part of the day has been meeting a missionary group here at the hotel who are serving Hope for Orphans through their church. This group of college students and 20 something's have been here running a camp in an orphanage with the kids.they are a wonderful group of people and we have enjoyed or day getting to know them and their organization better. Ivan and Anatoliy have enjoyed their company as well because two of the recent college grads were born here in Ukraine and immigrated with their families at a very early age to the states. So although they are Americans, they speak perfect Russian. I know our paths will cross with these people and their organization again some time in the future. They have a heart for Ukrainian orphans and experience with what their needs are for when orphans age out of the system with no life skills.
We also are at the hotel with the American family that we met at the Embassy yesterday. This man is Ukrainian, but he emigrated to the Us at an early age with his mother and is know a US citizen. He adopted 2 little boys, who adore Ryan, and they will be on our flight tomorrow morning but then
they head for home in San Francisco.
Sadly one of his sons is sick with a fever and sore throat. Luckily I had packed every child medicine that I could in case one of the kids got sick, so today I gave this Dad what I had on hand and the Ibprofen is at least keeping the fever lower for the little boy.
So much more to say about the day, but our alarm will be ringing in 4 hours. Will post more later!

First Embassy Appointment

The boys and I have been enjoying our time here in Kyiv. There are lots of tourists here with the Euro Cup going on and the boys think it is hilarious that there are more English people on the street that can give me directions, than there are Russian speakers.

We have enjoyed our days at the Euro set up. The kids love to just sit and watch the people and watch the soccer replays on the big TV that is set up in the city center.
Yesterday we toured the Golden Gates of Kyiv, the original entrance to the city of Kyiv during the 1300's (I think this time frame is correct). We took some great pictures but we forgot the card for the camera so the pictures are stuck in the camera till we get home. We also went to a beautiful park (Khreshatyk Park and Gardens) that I had read about online. It was nice and cool in the park with all of the trees, since it was about 85 here yesterday. This park had lots of things that you could rent to tour the grounds. It had beautiful overlooks of the city and the river that runs through Kyiv. One of the rentals at the park was a 3 person bike rental. Ivan kept looking at the bikes and seemed like he wanted to ride one. I asked the man how much for all three of them to ride - he says 15 gr. - which is about $2. So I asked the boys if they want to ride, Ryan and Anatoliy excitedly say yes. Ivan says, "no, it's ok." I pay the man and he gets the 3 person bike, 2 people pedal and the third person is a passenger in the back. I ask Ivan again, "last chance, you riding or not." Of course he smiles his best smile and says, "Yes, I ride." These 3 boys laughed and giggled so much riding this thing through the park. I can't wait to post pictures of it!

Today was our first Embassy appointment to secure Visas for the boys to travel to the US. My alarm failed to go off and we woke up to no water in the apartment. Not the best start to the day! I have to say it was very comforting to be there in the Embassy surrounded by US citizens and people who knew exactly what I was asking:) We pulled up and there was a long line out front, but Alexey (our translator) moved us to the front since we had an appointment and a US citizen. So thankful we had an appointment b/c it is really raining here today. I have to say that I was nervous there was going to be a problem with the paperwork. All of the forms were printed at home in the US and then I had to fill them out last night on the phone with Nastya, our facilitator here in Kyiv. There are ALOT of forms! Needless to say, everything went fine at the Embassy. They asked us to come back tomorrow at 2pm with the boys medical forms and passports, so that they can issue the Visas by 4pm. We hope that the passports will be ready today and placed with a courier on the train to Kyiv for a morning arrival. Say a little prayer that this all happens, b/c if not, then we will not be able to fly out on Thursday:( Nastya feels confident that it will all happen, so I am staying positive too.

Ryan and Anatoliy are 2 peas in a pod and I love it! They are both obsessed with their iTouch's and TV and they are both so silly with each other. Anatoliy is very immature for his age of 14 compared to US 14 year olds. I worry about him in middle school b/c of his size and immaturity. Ivan is the typical teenager and "too cool" to be silly out in public, but these two love to "get to him." They will try and trip him while walking, tickle him, etc. Ivan plays along and gets a little silly, but when he is done, he is done! I do love the way that Ivan watches out for Anatoliy and Ryan. He checks the street for them, he makes sure that they go into the Euro Cup security first. He makes sure that they are eating before he does. Ivan has a long road ahead of him with learning the language and going to an American school, but I see the goodness in him and I know that 5 years in the orphanage may have suppressed his "goodness and urge to do good things", but I know it will come to the surface more and more once he gets home. He needs to build a trust in us as his family, that no matter what, we will still be there in the morning.

One fun thing that happened yesterday: each time you enter the Euro Cup festivities you have to go through security. They do not allow adults to bring in water or drinks, b/c they want you to buy drinks once inside. Children that are with you can bring in water, cokes, etc. So yesterday we were walking through and I handed a water to Ryan to carry through for me. Anatoliy starts to go in has no problems. Ivan walks through and they ask him to throw away his water bottle and coke. The three of us have already gone through and I see Ivan starting to throw away these items. I asked the man why? He says, you know this kid or he is your family? I said, "Yes, he is my son." He let him through with the drinks no problem. It was great to finally be able to say in public, yes these are my children too!

Thank you to everyone who emails us and sends us FB messages. It has been so nice to see your well wishes and support of our family. Not only is the adoption a very costly process, it is a very time consuming process as well. For three weeks, we had to leave our kids at home in the US to travel to Ukraine. Thankfully my father-in-law came and stayed with the boys the entire time so that our boys did not have to stay with friends and neighbors! It was such a blessing to Matt and I to have to boys taken care of during that long stay. Then this week and last week, Matt has been home with Alex and William while I am here, and so many people have asked "how can I help" "what do you need" - it is wonderful, b/c Alex and William are playing during the day at friends and neighbor's houses so that Matt can go to work and not have to keep using vacation time. It has truly taken "a village" to make this all happen and I am so thankful to each of you who has stepped in and helped my family, while sacrificing your own family time.

First Day in Kiev

This pig was enormous.

Each of them having Euro coins made by hand.

Fun fountain

Can you tell that Coke is a sponsor.

Today we got to spend time in Kiev. We headed out to the Euro Cup 2012 staging area. It was lots of fun, but a hot day. Funny enough I found out that my boys have absolutely no clue about how to read a map or a street sign. I was the one to point out where the street sign was and had to find an English speaking person to get us in the right direction! A woman actually explained to the boys in Russian how to get there and they still did not get it! Matt will have to teach them some map skills once home, b/c I can say that I am not the best person with directions, but when someone tells me to go straight for 4 blocks and then turn left for one block - I can handle that!

The boys have already asked to go back to the EuroCup area tomorrow, so it seems we will head there. There are people performing on a stage all day, fun exhibits, crafters, etc. We actually ate at the McDonalds right in the square and it was cheaper than in the US. Ivan and Anatoliy now have Ukrainian soccer jerseys and have laid them out to wear tomorrow - very cute.

Today was definitely an adjustment day for everyone. Ryan doesn't have my full attention anymore. Ivan and Anatoliy are trying to follow my directions and do what I say, but they have lived a very different life from ours in the US, and being sneaky is how they have survived. So here is what we tried to overcome today. Ivan was watching a movie tonight and we had already cleaned up from dinner, about 20 minutes goes by and I am now Skyping with the boys back home. I notice that he left the movie, went into the bathroom, but did nothing and then came right back. Well once he sits down I notice that he is now angled away from me, so I think he is watching something he shouldn't but actually he had a handful of almonds that he was eating, that he did not want me to know about. Hiding food was an issue for Ivan over the summer and Matt and I knew that it would come up, so we (actually I) have read some books on the topic and how to handle the situation. After skyping, I walk over to Ivan to pretend to be interested in the movie, I point to his hands and say, Can I have an almond? He looks at me like deer in the headlights and opens his hands, to which I say, "thanks, almonds are one of my favorite snacks too." He was relieved and I made the point that he wasn't hiding something from me and we moved on...... The iTouch situation has been another story: Ivan and Anatoliy love their iTouch's and I am happy that they have them, but enough is enough! Tonight I said the same thing as last night, no iTouch's after lights out. Sure enough, I am laying in bed and hear Anatoliy get up and walk to the bathroom for the third time in an hour, except this time he walks past the bedroom into the family room. Of course anyone knows that he was in there to get his Touch - but when I walk in to say go back to bed, he says,"Oh I was just going to the bathroom and hear Ivan listening to music." Yeah right little man, what about the Touch that is now on the couch that I left in the charger? So I said Toliy, you are lying to me and need to go to bed - no iTouch's after bed! Then I also have to pull the sheets backs and take Ivan's Touch out of his hand! Tomorrow, I am going to have the translator do some translating for us, so that they can stop playing the, "I don't understand" card.
It is also hard to truly"parent" here because it is a vacation for all three kids. Ivan and Anatoliy feel like they are in Disneyland and Ryan truly is on a vacation:) So once home, I know things will slowly fall into place, but I have got to work on this sneaking stuff - it is making me crazy! Anyone who knows me, knows that honesty is one of the things that I just can't ever seem to budge on - and I HATE being lied too or alluded away from the truth. I will keep you all posted on the translation of my requests tomorrow!!

Pictures

Finally a few pictures:

About 15 minutes from picking up the boys. Waiting in the taxi.

Director and Principal of the school. Director insisted that Ryan be in the photo too.

Last group photo of friends.

Everyone is still all smiles at this point.

Love this brother and sister - Ivan's closest friends.

Anatoliy saying goodbye.

You can not see Ruslan's tears from here, but they are running down his face. My heart breaks for this sweet boy.

First morning together in Zap. region at front of apt. No one has had much sleep at this point!

Ternopil, the town where Anatoliy spent a few years living with his grandparents.

Ternopil was actually very pretty. Just no real roads, only gravel and dirt.

So much to say...

It is 1am Thursday morning here in Ukraine, can't sleep, so I opened the iPad to read AND it says I have Internet! So very excited!
Ryan and I left on Sunday morning from Charlotte and since then I have not slept in a bed, not showered in 2 days and only eaten 3 sit down meals! Ryan and I have traveled all over Ukraine-literally!
So instead of bore you with details of my travels, let's just get the good stuff! Today we arrived to Chernigivka to pick up the boys at 4:30. We had about 30 minutes to get their new social security numbers, then make it to the orphanage to get the boys and still needed some time to get them registered for their new passports-all of which needs to happen by 5:30 before closing. We arrived at the orphanage and the director was ready to get the paperwork going because he had left his wife on vacation and was ready to return to his vacation. Ryan and I sat in this office for a while because all of the final paperwork to sign them out and over to me as their parent took sometime. While we are sitting there, Lesya (our translator) let me know that the boys were outside waiting. We went out to see them and they were all smiles. Ivan gave me a great big hug and Anatoliy have me a hug, but not his usual self. I figured pretty quickly that Anatoliy was starting to have a hard time with saying goodbye. He was trying very hard to keep his tears in, but let's be honest, this has got to have been one of the hardest days of their lives. Finally after all the paperwork, the director handed us Ivan's report card-he struggles in Math and seems to be an average student. Anatoliy on the other hand is a very good student and the director had nothing but high academic praises for him!
So now for the final goodbyes: Ivan had his two best friends with him-a brother and sister, who Matt and I have come to know pretty well since our two week stay. He wanted pictures with them. I asked if he would like to go and find other people to take pictures with before we left and he said "no, these are the only ones that matter." I asked Anatoliy the same question and he said no, he was ready to go. The principal grabbed Anatoliy, gave him a huge hug, kissed his sweet face all over and through tears said, " that she just couldn't believe he was going, she was so happy for him but so sad for herself. Needless to say, Toliy could not withhold his tears anymore, nor could I! The director hugged us all and asked us to send pictures of their life and how they are doing. Ivan gave his hugs too. He saved Rualan for last, they said some final words and at that Ruslan was crying too. I have a picture of Ruslan on the fence crying as we pulled away that I will post later. I had to get Lesya to explain that my years were of joy for our boys coming home, but sadness for those they are leaving behind.
We were able to bribe the passport lady to come to her office at 6pm since she had already closed and got that last piece of paperwork taken care of.
While in the car with the boys, I asked the translator to do some translating for me. The gist of the conversation goes something like this: Me: I know this is a very hard day for you. Coming to America, joining a new family, figuring out your places in the family, new schools, new brothers-but I want you to know that your Dad and I are here for you through all of the good days and all of the bad days. The only important thing is that at the end of the day we are all still a family that loves and trusts each other. Anything you ever want to talk about, Dad and I are here for you, if we don't have the answer then we will find someone who does. We love you both very much and are so excited to have you as our sons-at which point Ryan says, and as new brothers! Now for Ivan and Anatoliy's talk back to me: Ivan: mom, last night I couldn't sleep b/c I was worried if I slept then today really wouldn't come. I just wanted to see you pull up in the taxi to know it was really happening! Now I am in the taxi with you and I think I am in a dram. I can not believe this is real, you came and got us forever. My tears started all over again. Now for Anatoliy: Ivan might not have slept but I went to sleep early because I knew that would be the quicker that morning would be here and I could see if today was really going to happen. I knew you would come, but seeing you in the director's office was real. I still think I may be dreaming. I have wanted this day since we flew away in August!
So as you can see I have two very happy boys that are anxious to see their dad and other brothers. Ivan has not let me do one thing, he has carried
every suitcase, opened every door, he has been smiling the whole night. One funny thing that I will share - while waiting for the passport in Chernigivka, it dawned on me how badly I had to pee. I asked Lesya if we could use the passport lady's office bathroom before we got in the car for the two hour car ride. The lady said no, so Anatoliy said Oh, Mama I know of a toilet! So we walk around the corner to a bar that is open and we walk through the bar right outside. My sweet boy points to an outhouse for me to use! Now when I say desperate times call for desperate measures- this was that time! I open the door and let Ryan go first - he comes out and says "Mom, you aren't going to like that." I don't think this should have been called an outhouse. It was a concrete floor with a hole cut in it. I asked Ryan to hold the door shut since it wouldn't stay shut. He said I don't really think there is anyone here to see you except this cat trying to get in! I explained to the boys that it was the first and last time that their Mom would be peeing in a concrete hole:$

Tomorrow we will head back to Kyiv and I look forward to having some time in one place for a few nights.
Such a relief to get all that typed out- I think I can sleep now!

Court and Back Home

So sorry that I have not posted an update: Here is the very shortened version:

We woke up June 6th excited and nervous about court at 9am. We were all packed and ready to go by 8am, when we got the call that our translator would be late and that court would be delayed till 10am. Matt and I were obviously frustrated, but not a thing we could do.

We arrived to court and the courtroom is more like an office than an actual court room. There were 2 jurors, a prosecutor, court reporter, our translator, the boys, the boys "lawyer" and us. There was a lot of paperwork reading. The judge asked us a few time if we were sure that we wanted these two boys with their health problems - the only health problem is mild night time bed wetting by one child - the other child is totally healthy. So we answered yes each time. He asked Ivan to stand and explain how he met us, that we had not convinced him to be adopted, etc. Then their lawyer stands up and explains how their mother never visited in the last 5 years, no other family member wants them, no other Ukrainian family wants them and we are the first international family to show any interest in these two boys. How many ways can you tell a child that they are not wanted - it was really upsetting to me to have the boys hear so many times that they were never wanted by anyone. I really wanted to just reach over and hold their hand to say, "ignore all of these bad things, focus on the positive," but they made us sit on separate benches. Court lasted about 40 minutes. The orphanage worker said that he needed to take the boys back to the school instead of waiting on the decision, so we had to say our good byes there and were not able to get a picture on this important day in their lives! The judge came back in about 25 minutes to say that he approved our adoption. We had a picture book that we had brought with us and the judge asked to take it back into his chambers to see it. Well I think really the reason he wanted us in his chambers is b/c he asked when we come back to pick up the paperwork if we will please bring him back some American Whiskey! Absolutely, I will bring some back:)
Anyway, we were in a true rush thinking that we had a train to catch at 4pm and a 4 hour taxi ride - it was now 12noon. Needless to say, we found out that the wrong train tickets had been purchased for us and that our train was actually leaving at 5pm and the car ride was only 3 hours, not 4. So all of the stress of the morning was for nothing! We did catch our train and it was very nice to have the train cabin to ourselves and enjoy a beer on our ride back to Kiev. We got into Kiev about 11pm and headed to a hotel very close to the airport for about 4 hours of sleep. Woke up at 4am and headed to the airport for our 6am flight.
In the airport we met a father taking his son, Vova, back to the US with him. They live in Roanoke and had our exact same flights, so we were able to talk with them most of the day and share our experiences with them as well as hear their experiences. It was an enjoyable day of flying:)
We are back home this week. I am flying out on Sunday, June 17th back to Ukraine to finish up all of the paperwork and bring our boys home for good. Our son Ryan is going to go back with me. He is very excited and I think it will be a great experience for him and I to be together to pick up his new brothers.

Internet is back

Our days are slowly winding down here at Chernigivka. We have had lots of rain - and when it rains, they turn off the internet! Who knows why this is? Anyway, we have had a children's festival, a back yard bonfire at the school, lots of family dinners and lots of soccer time! One of Ivan's friends has taken up his time with us each day and we just love having him around. He actually has started eating his meals with us too, which has been lots of fun because Ivan and Ruslan cook for us each night! Ivan is a good cook!
We got our court date for Wednesday and will leave the town right after that for Kyiv. Then fly home on Thursday. Our boys at home are very ready to see us, although I think they have been having a lot more fun with their grandfather than they would have had with us being home:) My father in law has been amazing to stay with our boys this long and we are so thankful that he has been a constant in their lives for this three weeks. The boys might actually be bored with us once we get home, because they have been on the go doing something each day.

Lisa 

School bonfire





Our favorite meal - potato soup and bilash. The bread is stuffed with potato too.




Ordering at our favorite cafe.




Another game of soccer.



The dog walks with us everywhere in town.



Court date

Just got the official phone call saying everything has been signed in Kyiv and is officially approved. What that all means is that we can plan for court on Wednesday and fly home first thing Thursday morning. I am looking forward to the hotel Wednesday night before the flight-real shower and a real bed!
Yea for us!
Lisa

June 1st

I think the homesickness has finally set in! I have missed our kids like crazy and that has been hard on both of us and the kids too. But this homesickness is more about missing life's little luxuries. Standing in a hot shower for as long as I want. American toilet paper!! A toilet seat that is not removable! Internet anytime I want to look something up! Some green veggies. Reheating my coffee when it gets cold. Milk or just even a little cream would be heaven. A washing machine! And the list could go on.....

The Internet has been very frustrating lately. It is truly our only "lifeline" here and the last 2 days it has either been not working or turned off because of storms. The Internet provider turns off the Internet during rain-not really sure why this is, but it is frustrating! We thought it was the school turning it off, but our translator called for us and figured it out. So Matt has not been able to work, we haven't been able to Skype with the kids and have barely been able to check in with life outside of Ukraine!

We have spent lots of time with the boys, they are here most of the day till about 9pm. They have enjoyed just being here, running to the market, playing soccer, etc. Ivan cooked dinner the other night for us and was very proud of himself. It was actually very good. We are limited with our one pot and very few utensils, but Matt and I were saying it is amazing how much you can do with so little.

This morning we went to a town wide children's festival with the boys' classes. There were dancers, singers and other performers. A large moonbounce, cotton candy and vendors. We gave Anatoliy money to play a shooting game. Now, the very funny part of this is that the shooting game was children using real guns with real bee bees to shoot at cans and other metal objects. I told Matt this is definitely not an American carnival! Anatoliy has a very hard time doing something for himself or making a decision on his own. We gave him money for the shooting game (25 cents) and he was only wanting us to play the game. So after about 5 minutes he goes and plays b/c we are getting a little aggravated explaining that he needs to play and not us. Then when he goes to get in line, he lets everyone cut in line in front of him before he ever played.

Spending all of this time with the boys has really enlightened us a little of where the real parenting will come in once we are home. Little things like respect of material items. They have no concept of money, things breaking, etc. Really no personal boundaries. So we are slowly trying to teach the little things first before we move onto bigger things. Personal hygiene will be first on the list once we are home.

We will hear today if all of the paperwork is signed and approved in Kyiv. If so, then we will definitely
have court on Wednesday and fly home on Thursday. I woke up this morning and said a little prayer that we get all of
our approvals today, so we can start focusing on coming home!
Lisa

The Little Things

Today was another good day. We briefly saw another American family this morning. It is always nice to have someone speak your language, even if it is just a few minutes. They were here for their court date of another little boy here at the orphanage.
Anatoliy's teacher invited us to go to the park with their class this morning. We were excited to see a "park" since we have yet to see anything like that. Well let's just say that my idea of a park and their idea is slightly different.(lots of sarcasm here) We are all walking through a large field with knee high grasses, trash on the ground, etc., and the whole time all I am thinking about is what kind of snakes and other critters are in these grasses! Then all of a sudden the group kind of stops- keep in mind I have yet to look up from my feet in case of "attack by a wild animal", so I really wasn't watching where we were going. Well, come to find out -this IS the park?! But of course it is:) Anatoliy and his friend walked us to a bridge to show us a little creek. It was a small creek with lots of frogs. A very old metal bridge with a big hole in it that crossed over the creek. There was lots of trash floating in the creek. Let's just be honest here- there is trash everywhere. People just throw their wrappers and bottles right on the ground and find nothing wrong with it. Anatoliy's friend starting hanging from the bridge to wash his feet-we really tried to get a picture of this, but the camera batteries failed. Ok, main point of the story here. While I sat noticing all of the negative and differences from home, these two boys were intent on showing us the beauty of this park. They taught us how to make "boats" out of leaves and race them down the creek. My boat got stuck every time on this stick and these two sweet boys did everything to keep my boat going! Then they started collecting flowers for me. All kinds from this field that I had failed to even see b/c I was so busy looking down at my feet. These boys picked up every insect, dragonfly, butterfly that they could, just to show us the "beauty" of their park. We walked farther around the park and ended up at another bridge. The water here was just as nasty, yet this boy waded out into the water up to his knees! I guess it is all in your own perspective! If you haven't showered in a week, cleaning your feet in this creek probably seems like a great idea!

Matt on the bridge.



The park



A boy trying to help a baby bird back into it's nest.

On the bridge with the flowers from the boys in my hair.

We were able to take our boys to lunch with us today. Our favorite cafe was open. The sweet women who runs it asked Ivan and Anatoliy if we were here to adopt them. The boys replied yes. She said they were very lucky and look just like our sons. Anatoliy was all smiles telling us this story after lunch.

Ivan has been a little moody today. He was in great spirits this morning and then more sullen this afternoon. Of course he says he is fine, but anyone who knows me, knows that I have analyzed his mood all day. At one point I thought we should call the translator and have her talk to him, so I would know what is wrong. Matt talked "me off the ledge" on that one. I just want to say what's wrong and have him tell me everything! I know he doesn't have that connection with me yet, but I do long to give him a hug and just let him know that we are here for him and that he can tell us anything. Matt says we will have many more teenage moods ahead of us in the upcoming months so I should stop over analyzing the first one:) My ever practical husband!

Everything else is going well. We see the boys much of the day. They eat two meals with us. Their care givers make them eat dinner in the orphanage and then they come back to us and eat again. Sometimes they come with hungry friends too-we love it. I love being able to care for these children while we are here. They never tire of me offering them food and drinks:)

Matt and I have truly slowed down our lives here in Chernigivka and are starting to really appreciate the little things offered each day.


Matt on the seesaw - the boys love that Matt is so silly with them.



Chernigivka

We have settled in here at the orphanage. Our translator has left us and gone back to Kiev to start the paper chase. We will see her again on Monday.
We are really enjoying our time with the boys. They are with us as much as they can be. Today was the last day of school for them, so the last two days they have had celebrations and parties. Just like in the States, parties and awards ceremonies. We were very happy that Ivan came on Tuesday afternoon and asked Lesya (our translator) to ask us if we would attend a party with them Wednesday night and come to the awards ceremony on Friday morning. We of course said yes and enjoyed both celebrations very much. Ivan was excited to use our camera and take pictures of everyone. Anatoliy was happy to have us there to watch him perform in the play. Today was the last day of school and the boys picked us up in their finest clothes at 8:15 to head to the awards ceremony. They have an indoor gym here at the school. Please do not think of a gym at one of our kids schools - think painted hard wood floors that are buckled and broken everywhere, with two broken basketball goals at each end. This is a very "bare bones" school and town. Anatoliy received an award for math and art for the 7th grade class. They announced the graduating class. I couldn't help but think where are these kids going to go now. They truly have no options in life at the end of their school years.



Two kids who performed and their teacher.



Anatoliy in his play.

The people in the town are nice. Everyone here knows we are the Americans adopting from the orphanage. Honestly I can not think of another reason that a tourist would visit this town - there is truly nothing here. We have been to the grocery store a couple of times. Our boys and their friends LOVE to eat and they all really need to eat too.  We fed four boys Ramen soups today and they still all went to their assigned lunch and ate there too.  Trying to find a fruit or vegetable in the grocery store is non existent. Then today we visited an outdoor market - think flea market - and there were farmers selling some apples, vegetables, raw fish (which I refuse to eat), clothing, shoes, etc. It was a fun experience. We have had lots of boys in and out of the apartment all day. It is fun to spend time with them. They love to look at all of the electronics and just "stuff" that we have.

I went with Anatoliy to his class party today. My sweet boy asked if he could bring in cookies to the party and maybe some drink? Of course this meant, "Mama, can you go buy some things, so that I can bring them to the party." So two bottles of juice and cookies were purchased and I am sure it is the only time that Anatoliy has ever been able to bring something to a class party. He asked if he could carry it all in - and my sweet boy walked in with the biggest smile and so much pride that he got to bring something to offer. His art teacher was very friendly. They gave me a gift from the class, that was handmade by one of the students. It was very thoughtful of the class. Matt has been working all day, so he missed out.




Anatoliy's class party.

Origami crafts that the kids made.

Last night a restaurant opened just for us to eat. They cooked us a nice chicken cutlet and fries. I just couldn't get out of  my head that the chicken I was eating was probably the chicken that I saw in the street the night before!! We are staying in for dinner tonight. We bought some frozen raviolis, that we will attempt to cook and eat!

Making lunch for the boys and their friends.

They love Ramen noodles.

Seeing our boys!

We left Kyiv on Tuesday night after a long and tiring tour of the city. The tour was wonderful and we learned a lot about Kyiv, but it was a grueling uphill walk for a large portion of the way. We boarded the overnight train and I am very thankful that we requested a compartment to ourselves. Our translator slept in the compartment next to us. The space was very small and honestly Matt and I were very tired and just ready to get into out PJ's and sleep. I will say that Matt and I had lots of laughs on the train. I really disliked the bathroom, or squatty potty, as it is known here! Squatting to pee over a hole while on a moving train really takes a talent!!
Anyway, we arrived in the Zap. region at about 6:30 am, took a very bumpy, pot hole filled road through very remote areas of Ukraine - and 2hrs. later arrived at the orphanage. The director, Aleksander was waiting on the steps for us. He was very welcoming and genuinely nice to both of us. We dropped our luggage in the apartment and went straight to his office to get started on the paperwork and see our boys. I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the boys to come through the closed door. Everytime it opened, I got excited. There were a few people coming and going, social worker, secretary, social services inspector an employee needing his time card stamped, etc. All the while the director is trying his best English to speak with us! Honestly it was a blur, until our sweet Anatoliy walked through the door dressed in his best clothes with a tie (the fact that the tie is two sizes too small meant nothing:) He walked right up to me and gave me the biggest hug and said "Hi, Mommy!" I of coursed kissed his sweet face all over and hugged him tight. Then Ivan walked in and I am just elated to say that he hugged me tight, kissed me on the cheek and said "Hi Mama!" They were both grinning ear to ear and I just sat there thinking this is what all of the delays and frustrations were for - these two boys are why we never gave up pushing through the paperwork, keeping our chin up from the failed first trip, etc. The director asked them to sit and the inspector asked them if they wished to be adopted? Are you being forced to go with this family? You desire to leave the orphanage with this family to America? I don't need to publish their answers:) Ivan and Anatoliy have asked to keep their first names, which we are very happy with. We all decided together on their middle names - Ivan went through a few choices that we offered to him before finally accepting a new name. So I am very happy to say that our soon to be sons names are: Ivan John Givens and Anatoliy Matthew Givens!! They practiced saying it a few times - it was very cute! OK, off to bed for now - but will post tomorrow about our day with the boys today, meeting kids at the orphanage, where we stand on the paperwork and about the town where we are staying.

Also I will say, this is all from my point of view and will let Matt share in his own words seeing our boys again.


Front of orphanage




Boys signing paper stated that they want to be adopted.



Front door of our apartment at the orphanage.

Our train compartment - doesn't Matt look happy:)

Photos 1 - Our Apartment

This is the same apartment we stayed in on our last trip.  We were/are very happy with it.  It has all the things you need, and more.  Location is good; there are tons of options for food and site seeing within walking distance.  Here's a photo from the front door looking back up the alley that leads to the street; and then a shot of the apartment's front door (which is on your right when looking at first picture).

Once inside, here's a) the view of kitchen (after entering door), b) the living room (which was taken from same spot as kitchen shot, looking to left), and c) bedroom (which is down the hall from kitchen, on left).  I'll spare a shot of the bathroom, but its perfectly acceptable and clean!  I will post some site seeing shots later, but there is some beattiful architecture within blocks of our apartment.